The Dreamer Series

Sometimes.. The Best Memories Hurt the Most - Pt. 1

By The Dreamer

 

I never wanted to be an overthinker.
I’m at a point in my life where I mostly think into the future—looking at all the things I’m working for.
But sometimes... I tap in too heavy.

I can get tripped up thinking about what used to be such a great memory.
Now, looking back, sometimes it seems like someone changed the color of those memories.
Like they took an Instagram filter and hued the setting on it.

 

As a kid, I never fit in. I was bullied, always felt left out.
But one summer, I finally found someone who made me feel seen.
Made me excited to wake up and go outside.
I swear those days were brighter than I remember now.
She’d look at me a certain way that made me feel like...
I don’t know—like I was dope.

 

One day we did some sporadic shit.

“Let’s go get ice cream?” she asked me.

I wanted to say “no,” but in my head, she lived far from me—even though I never really knew where she lived. I’m thinking if she rode this far, I’d look soft if I didn’t go get ice cream.

“Uhh, I have to ask my mom,” I responded.

“No, it’s okay – we’ll be right back.”

I didn’t know if I was scared of my mom or of making the trip.
Either way, I knew I would never take my bike across town—
but she gave me this feeling of safety.

 

I remember thinking I was fast.
Having six older brothers and growing up in the dirt—I was fast for sure.
But that day? I was gliding.
It felt like every piece of the sidewalk was put right where it was supposed to be.
Almost like a bump never existed.

I remember the wind being perfectly cool, the sun was on our side.
In my head I was asking it to take as long as possible to set.
It was one of those days you never want to end.
I was hoping everyone was watching us.
It felt like the world was holding its breath and didn’t want to interrupt.

 

As we pulled up to Hanson’s, she jumped off her bike and ran in.
Me? Trying to be cool, I flowed my bike into the rack and set hers up nicely.

“Let me get the playdough!” she yelled out.
Almost simultaneously I said, “Me too!” and she turned and smiled.

“You wanna be me so bad,” she said, laughing.

“You right, you right,” I laughed back.

 

 

After we got our ice cream, we rode up this mountain into a little trail.

“How do you know these trails?” I asked.

She laughed a little and said, “We’re almost there—watch this.”

We pulled left, then right.
I was feeling a little anxious being so far from home,
but I was trying to play it cool.

We hit one more turn—
and the sun beamed onto us, giving the whole vibe a shift.
No more anxiousness.

“Can you feel that?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.
“Did we die?” I joked.

I turned and looked at her.

I’d never seen anyone look so calm.

 

“My mom used to take me here,” she said.
“She always said this is a pathway to nature...
Where you come if you want the power of feeling the calmness of the animals that live out here.”

She paused. Looked at me.

“I see you,” she whispered.

And when I looked into her eyes...
they were glowing.

 

“You know it’s okay, right?
I can feel your fear.
You fear yourself more than anything.
It’s okay to be afraid.
It’s okay to be seen by yourself.
And it’s okay to be you.”

She paused again.

I couldn’t stop looking at her.

“We have to leave—the sun will set soon!
Follow me!”

 

She took off down the trail, weaving through trees like she was born there.
I chased her.
I never chase anything—
but I chased her.

Laughing, breathless.

I was trying to keep up—not just with her speed,
but with the feeling she gave me.
Like I was chasing a piece of myself I didn’t know I was missing.

 

We rode until the trail turned quiet.
Until it was just the sound of our tires on dirt and the wind brushing through pine.

“How is she not scared?” I thought to myself.

And then, just like that—
we reached the split.
The part where she always went left and I always went right.

We both slowed down.

She stopped and looked at me—
not in the playful way either.
Her eyes were soft. Serious.

“Don’t say goodbye, okay?... You’ll never have to.”

Before I could even reply, she smiled again—
then turned around and disappeared down the trail.

 

I stood there for a second, gripping the handlebars,
still hearing the echo of her voice in my head.

The sun had dipped lower,
painting the trees gold and the air calm.

I took a breath and turned onto my path.

 

But something felt different now.

Everything was still.
The kind of still that wraps around your spine and makes every little sound louder—
the birds, the leaves, my heartbeat.

I got an overwhelming rush.

I slowed down. Took a few deep breaths.

And as I looked up—
I saw it.

A black wolf.
Standing just beyond the tree line.
Eyes glowing.
Dead silent.

I stood there staring. Frozen.
Not scared.
Just… unsure.

“Yo...” I said out loud.

I don’t even know why.

It wasn’t a threat.
It wasn’t running either.

It just tilted its head slightly,
like it heard something deeper than my voice.

“You lost too?” I asked.

Still nothing.

But in that silence,
I swear I felt something shift in my chest.

Like I wasn’t alone anymore.
Like whatever that was—
whoever that was—
knew me.